I wrote this in November 2014, with a cross-country move looming, boxes waiting to be packed and sad kids dragging their feet in the hopes that if they didn't pack - we just couldn't move. My husband was 1196.27 miles away which did nothing for my peace of mind. Just so you know, that's where I "was" when I sat at the kitchen table and wrote this.
Moving
If you google the word "moving", you will get 123,000,000 results in 0.48 seconds. That's pages and pages of tips on everything from when to begin packing to where to get the best free boxes for your books to who to call for estimates on packing your belongings onto a truck. There are tips on how to keep your friends happy once you enlist them to help and how to keep your pets from feeling insecure. Did you know that it's a good idea to wrap your drinking glasses in socks for extra protection before placing them in a box, or that you should feed your friends something they can eat off paper plates with no utensils to keep their spirits and their stamina up?
Well, I did.
I've moved 12 times and am about a month out from my 13th. Most of these moves happened after I met and married the blond-haired, blue-eyed boy with the easy smile. My parents didn't move. Still haven't all these years later. Today, I could magically appear on my parents' front porch and run my hands over the same beautiful, shiny, wooden door all my friends could unlock with the not-so-hidden key. My saxophone and wedding dress are under my childhood bed. And, the coffee table my sister kicked, hard, while we were making up dances in the living room is still implanted in the carpet.
That house with the magnolia tree in the front yard will always be home to me. I breathe a sigh of relief when I pull up in the driveway and know there will be a pitcher of iced tea in the fridge, so sweet it will make my teeth hurt. My children know where my mom has "hidden" the Krispy Kreme donuts and my husband doesn't hesitate to kick his feet up in the recliner in the den and commandeer the remote.
It's comfortable. It's worn and familiar.
My children will never have that. They've lived in 3 homes in 3 states in their lifetimes and will soon add a fourth. Though I hope they'll feel peace and security when they come back to visit from their adventures, they won't have that same sense of place, that same feeling of belonging to one particular spot. That's the life God has chosen for them, and I'm alright with it. It's just so different from the life I lived til I was 22.
Their world is much, much bigger than mine was at 15 years old. They've learned how to make friends much earlier than I did. They know what it's like to wake up to breath-taking heat or intense cold outside. They know what different accents sound like from the lips of people who've adopted them as family. They've had to do adjusting and growing that can only help them be better men. And I'm alright with that.
So, as I look at websites for packing tips, again, and wonder at all the quotes about "moving on" on pintrest, I wonder why there's not something out there about how to handle your heart as you move to a new place or unpacking those hard feelings that surface, get pushed down because you're too busy or overwhelmed to deal with them, and then surface again.
Moving is hard. It's exhausting to purge, pack, load, clean, clean again and unpack. But, it's just as hard to find the right fit in a church, a home, a friend. If you're like me, it can even be hard to find the grocery store without a map or figure out which gas station has cheap Coke from a fountain. (Because the Coke from a fountain is different, I promise you. You don't believe me, but it's true! And, they don't put THAT on maps.) It's hard to face the fact that you'll never be able to fit all your earthly belongings in the back of a pickup truck. You may blame this on your wife and children, but you might want to clean out your closet before you do.
In his novel Angle of Repose, Wallace Stegner says, “It's easier to die than to move ... at least for the Other Side you don't need trunks." True, very true. When you die and get to see Jesus face to face, you probably don't worry too much about the stuff you didn't bring with you. You probably don't worry about the people you left behind either.
None of that is true of moving across the country. If I leave something in this move, say, my new, long-wanted, Mary and Martha lazy Susan that sits regally and helpfully on my kitchen table, I'll be upset. I may even need to return to collect it. If I couldn't get back, I might make a very nice gift of it to a very dear friend. But, I'd like to take it with me.
I'd like to pack up my friends and take them as well. I've fought and prayed and worked hard for these friends. I've risked vulnerability and honesty and they've just begun to realize they love me. And, I'm just really getting to know and love them. I can't pack them up and take them with me, even if I wrap them lovingly in my socks. They can't come because God has another plan for them that doesn't include the horrifying realization of how much dust has settled on the baseboards behind the entertainment center, or that it takes more than 50 boxes to pack up the stuff in their kitchen. Those dear friends get to / have to walk the same aisles at the same grocery store and drive the same roads to the burger joint. They get to / have to see the same people in Sunday school and sit in the same section at next year's high school football games. I know it's not any easier than what I'm called to in this move. It's just different.
And, I'm working really hard to be alright with that.
Friday, August 28, 2015
Saturday, August 22, 2015
My Charlotte Mason "Testimony"
My friend, Melanie, asked me to write something about my Charlotte Mason "testimony". I could write and talk and think for days about Charlotte Mason in particular and education in general. But, I'll try to be concise. I'm sure I'll write about this again, but here is why we began a journey using Charlotte Mason principles to raise and educate our kids and some of the fruit I've seen along the way.
In my mind, when it came to educating our children, there were two possible choices: public school or homeschool, using Charlotte Mason's ideas. Over my children's education we've done both and we've experienced private, Christian school too. All have been good in their way, and all have had faults.
Long before we began homeschooling, we starting "living" Charlotte Mason. Charlotte Mason said, "Education is an atmosphere, a discipline, a life." Because of that, I try to create an environment at home that encourages slowing down, and appreciating the best - in books, food, art, nature.
Atmosphere
isn't just about what your home looks like, it's about what your home feels
like. It's the people in it and the ideas you share. It's laughter and
fun, and comfort and security. Education is not about making a good
grade, it's about living a good life. Thus, it includes all things and
continues throughout life, beginning with the earliest memories and only
ending when we do.
I know some people who homeschool because they are afraid of public school. Not me. I'm a product of it. I was awesome at school. I could memorize and regurgitate almost anything for a test and, as a result, was Salutatorian of my graduating class. But, ask me to tell you what was really happening in a poem or the deeper meaning of a book and I was hopeless, much to the amusement and delight of my friends.
Part of my problem was that I was never really asked to form an opinion on anything. So, I just assumed I was supposed to like everything. I'm naturally agreeable and this missing piece in my educational puzzle took advantage of that fact.
While living in Fort Worth, when my children were in about 5th grade, the Kimball Art Museum acquired the first known painting by Michelangelo, "The Torment of Saint Anthony." It's believed that Michelangelo painted this "masterpiece" when he was just 12 or 13 years old. It is a picture of ghastly demons and fire, dark colors and wickedness. We didn't like it at all, but it IS a Michelangelo.
We visited this
painting several times to see if it would ever grow on us. It didn't.
So, is it OK to say, out loud, that you don't like the first ever
painting by Michelangelo? Is it OK to say you're not crazy about
Beethoven's 5th Symphony? Is it OK to say that the Grand Canyon just
doesn't do it for you? When I was younger, I would have thought "No!
You HAVE to like these things. They HAVE to move you deeply." But, my
children aren't afraid to have their own opinions. I think that can only help them as they grow and explore and learn what really makes them tick.
Though I don't believe either of my boys will turn into a great and profound artist, I'm glad they've been exposed to great art. I'm glad they've had to make their way through many an art museum and that we've hung beautiful pictures on our walls at home. I'm also thankful their world has been broadened by wonderful music and by nature study. All these "subjects" have this in common: they serve to develop a habit of attention in people who might otherwise rush through life attentive only to their "to-do" list or their cell phone. Believe me, I know that of which I speak.
Our boys were leaving to catch the school bus one morning when my husband, Bobby, noticed Davis bent over on the front walk with his hands on his knees. Thinking Davis was sick, Bobby hurried outside only to find Davis looking at a caterpillar. While I swell with pride and think how wonderful it is that this young man is so attentive and curious and adorable, it's really all Charlotte Mason's fault. She told me to go outside and let my children NOTICE and I did.
Another time during our life in Fort Worth, we were driving on the interstate when we saw a billboard advertising an upcoming exhibit at the Kimball. On the billboard was a painting of a woman. We had recently studied that very painting in artist study at home. One of my children saw the huge painting on the billboard and said, "Hey! We know her!"
I'm sure there are many children out there who would notice the same things - caterpillars and art. But, I believe it's a characteristic that MOST "Charlotte Mason kids" share. It's a part of who they are and how they embrace the world. When they begin to notice, they begin to connect what they notice with what they've read and studied and heard which makes a greater and deeper and more interesting education.
In addition to NOTICING and easily forming their own opinions, my children have developed a love of learning. They read for pleasure and don't wait until the last minute to complete assignments. The down side of this (if you can call it that) is that they have very little patience for what Ms. Mason calls "twaddle" - anything that has little redeeming value, books that are trite and silly. You know, twaddle! They also have little patience for others who don't value learning.
In his book, Teach Like Your Hair's on Fire, Rafe Esquith says the "danger" of public education (or any education!) is the tendency to a "systemic conspiracy of mediocrity." He says that to combat this, children need to learn to love to read. He says, "If a child is going to grow into a truly special adult – someone who thinks, considers other points of view, has an open mind, and possesses the ability to discuss great ideas with other people – a love of reading is an essential foundation."
Reading is definitely a discipline. I continue to learn about education being a discipline. Whether it's reading a book on my own, making time for fresh air and exercise or making sure my children actually study for a test, it all takes discipline. If I'm honest, it takes a bit of discipline to make the bed and floss my teeth too, but those things also make my life better.
Education is a life, it's appreciating more than what might come naturally, it's being challenged to try something new. It's reaching out to someone else and taking time to make yourself a cup of tea. Education is ALL of life.
I felt a tremendous freedom in homeschooling as Charlotte Mason suggested. Offer a wonderful "feast" for the mind and imagination, set the children's feet in a "wide room" with many options, and let God guide them to what they need. Let them take in whatever is most "nutritious" and beneficial to them at the time and leave the rest. The Lord will show them what they need. It's up to Him to move and educate, and open their eyes. Just like in the kitchen, I need only prepare the feast in the schoolroom and lead the children to it.
My friend, Melanie, asked me to write something about my Charlotte Mason "testimony". I could write and talk and think for days about Charlotte Mason in particular and education in general. But, I'll try to be concise. I'm sure I'll write about this again, but here is why we began a journey using Charlotte Mason principles to raise and educate our kids and some of the fruit I've seen along the way.
In my mind, when it came to educating our children, there were two possible choices: public school or homeschool, using Charlotte Mason's ideas. Over my children's education we've done both and we've experienced private, Christian school too. All have been good in their way, and all have had faults.
Long before we began homeschooling, we starting "living" Charlotte Mason. Charlotte Mason said, "Education is an atmosphere, a discipline, a life." Because of that, I try to create an environment at home that encourages slowing down, and appreciating the best - in books, food, art, nature.
I know some people who homeschool because they are afraid of public school. Not me. I'm a product of it. I was awesome at school. I could memorize and regurgitate almost anything for a test and, as a result, was Salutatorian of my graduating class. But, ask me to tell you what was really happening in a poem or the deeper meaning of a book and I was hopeless, much to the amusement and delight of my friends.
Part of my problem was that I was never really asked to form an opinion on anything. So, I just assumed I was supposed to like everything. I'm naturally agreeable and this missing piece in my educational puzzle took advantage of that fact.
While living in Fort Worth, when my children were in about 5th grade, the Kimball Art Museum acquired the first known painting by Michelangelo, "The Torment of Saint Anthony." It's believed that Michelangelo painted this "masterpiece" when he was just 12 or 13 years old. It is a picture of ghastly demons and fire, dark colors and wickedness. We didn't like it at all, but it IS a Michelangelo.
Though I don't believe either of my boys will turn into a great and profound artist, I'm glad they've been exposed to great art. I'm glad they've had to make their way through many an art museum and that we've hung beautiful pictures on our walls at home. I'm also thankful their world has been broadened by wonderful music and by nature study. All these "subjects" have this in common: they serve to develop a habit of attention in people who might otherwise rush through life attentive only to their "to-do" list or their cell phone. Believe me, I know that of which I speak.
Our boys were leaving to catch the school bus one morning when my husband, Bobby, noticed Davis bent over on the front walk with his hands on his knees. Thinking Davis was sick, Bobby hurried outside only to find Davis looking at a caterpillar. While I swell with pride and think how wonderful it is that this young man is so attentive and curious and adorable, it's really all Charlotte Mason's fault. She told me to go outside and let my children NOTICE and I did.
Another time during our life in Fort Worth, we were driving on the interstate when we saw a billboard advertising an upcoming exhibit at the Kimball. On the billboard was a painting of a woman. We had recently studied that very painting in artist study at home. One of my children saw the huge painting on the billboard and said, "Hey! We know her!"
I'm sure there are many children out there who would notice the same things - caterpillars and art. But, I believe it's a characteristic that MOST "Charlotte Mason kids" share. It's a part of who they are and how they embrace the world. When they begin to notice, they begin to connect what they notice with what they've read and studied and heard which makes a greater and deeper and more interesting education.
I'm having to learn those things now. The habit of attention is
hard, especially when you didn't cultivate it while growing up. But,
it's enriching and addictive and lovely. It leads to a deep, beautiful,
meaningful life. And, that's what I really want for my children,
myself and for your children too.
In addition to NOTICING and easily forming their own opinions, my children have developed a love of learning. They read for pleasure and don't wait until the last minute to complete assignments. The down side of this (if you can call it that) is that they have very little patience for what Ms. Mason calls "twaddle" - anything that has little redeeming value, books that are trite and silly. You know, twaddle! They also have little patience for others who don't value learning.
In his book, Teach Like Your Hair's on Fire, Rafe Esquith says the "danger" of public education (or any education!) is the tendency to a "systemic conspiracy of mediocrity." He says that to combat this, children need to learn to love to read. He says, "If a child is going to grow into a truly special adult – someone who thinks, considers other points of view, has an open mind, and possesses the ability to discuss great ideas with other people – a love of reading is an essential foundation."
Reading is definitely a discipline. I continue to learn about education being a discipline. Whether it's reading a book on my own, making time for fresh air and exercise or making sure my children actually study for a test, it all takes discipline. If I'm honest, it takes a bit of discipline to make the bed and floss my teeth too, but those things also make my life better.
Education is a life, it's appreciating more than what might come naturally, it's being challenged to try something new. It's reaching out to someone else and taking time to make yourself a cup of tea. Education is ALL of life.
I felt a tremendous freedom in homeschooling as Charlotte Mason suggested. Offer a wonderful "feast" for the mind and imagination, set the children's feet in a "wide room" with many options, and let God guide them to what they need. Let them take in whatever is most "nutritious" and beneficial to them at the time and leave the rest. The Lord will show them what they need. It's up to Him to move and educate, and open their eyes. Just like in the kitchen, I need only prepare the feast in the schoolroom and lead the children to it.
While I'm thankful for the academic knowledge my children are
developing and the varied insights and experiences their Charlotte Mason
education has provided them, what I pray for most is for them to be the kind of men that you want to
have living next door, coaching your kids' little league team or
marrying your daughter. I want their lives to be enriched by "little"
things like appreciating a beautiful sunset, knowing when the space station will pass overhead and running outside to see it, or noticing when the
daffodils bloom. I want them to be men who love and serve the Lord with
everything they have in them, whether that's in a pulpit or a bank or a
gym. I want them to recognize beauty and truth and holiness and seek
after those things. I believe Charlotte Mason has given them a great start to get there.
Thursday, August 6, 2015
Bored / Boring
I had the strangest, most vivid dream recently. I was sitting in an audience somewhere, looking up with pride as my son gave a speech. I don't know if it was graduation or his inaugural address. It was just a speech and he was brilliant.
He started out telling the listeners that some of them were bored. Some of them persisted in being bored and some of them thought it was just cool to appear to be bored. Then, he said that if they insisted on being, or appearing, bored they were doomed to a life of boredom; that those people are, themselves, boring.
It was a good, dream speech. And, like all good speeches, it made me think.
Is it true that if you refuse to be interested in anything, you will cease to be interesting?
I googled this concept, of course. I found mostly "boredom busters". Pages and pages of stuff you can look at and click on that will supposedly keep you and / or your children from being bored. I completely disagree with the premise that if you're bored you should surf the internet. I know that's our society's answer to everything, but really, if you just surf the internet, isn't that inherently boring? Doesn't that behavior lead to a virtual life instead of a REAL one lived with REAL people and REAL things?
The most interesting article I read was on New Republic by Amanda Ripley. In her article, she talks about boredom in school and the mischief that comes along with it. I think this is a real problem. Bright kids, forced to sit through hour after hour of twaddle and dumbed down classes will undoubtedly let their thoughts wander and potentially wander onto topics that aren't good for them. Kids should be kept interested in the subject at hand, not through busy work and endless worksheets, but through real, meaningful interaction with subjects and thinkers and stories who can challenge and uplift them to places they haven't even dreamed of.
I confess to feeling a good bit of boredom in recent weeks. Sitting in the same place on the same couch night after night, watching people live their lives on TV while mine is swishing by too rapidly (even if it is an awesome TV show like Suits which we recently discovered on Amazon Prime). It's just unsatisfying.
I'm embarrassed to admit that last week I asked my family to go to a movie with me. That's not the embarrassing part. My husband agreed, then backed out when tempted by comfy clothes and his spot on the couch. Now, he works hard and I don't begrudge him his nightly Jeopardy fix. I just felt that I NEEDED a change of scenery even though, as he was kind enough to point out, we would just be trading in our screen at home for a bigger one at the theater. One kid wasn't interested unless he could get another family to join us. The other kid was willing, but we didn't go, in all honesty, because it was just too much trouble and I couldn't be bothered to swim against the tide of home-bodies.
There have been some breaks in our monotony since then, and it's a good thing. Boredom leads to mischief at home as well as at school. Fresh air, exercise and a sense of accomplishment help. When I feel that I've accomplished something, however insignificant, I feel happier with myself in particular and with life in general. When I feel happier, my family seems to feel happier too.
Of course, there are proponents of "boredom" out there. Maria Popova, who writes an amazingly interesting and thought-provoking blog called Brain Pickings, argues that there is value in boredom. I guess the difference lies in the kind (?) of boredom. On Brain Pickings, Popova quotes Bertrand Russell:
"Russell recognizes the vitalizing value of this greatly reviled state, outlining two distinct types of boredom:
I don't think boredom automatically leads to being a bore. But, my dream, speech-making son does have a point. We've all known those people who were too indifferent to be bothered by the effort and concentration it takes to be engaged. Who wants to live like that?
Maybe we can't truly appreciate the times of fruitful activity until we've experienced lapses of the mundane. I know there's a certain holiness or beauty in the routine-ness of life, but that's not what we're talking about here. We're talking about wallowing in boredom and refusing to lift your head to see the possibilities.
So, I guess I should go out there and find something to do, some "vital activity". Maybe I'll find I love something I didn't know I loved or that I'm good at something I didn't know I was good at. I'll never know if I sit at home, bored.
I had the strangest, most vivid dream recently. I was sitting in an audience somewhere, looking up with pride as my son gave a speech. I don't know if it was graduation or his inaugural address. It was just a speech and he was brilliant.
He started out telling the listeners that some of them were bored. Some of them persisted in being bored and some of them thought it was just cool to appear to be bored. Then, he said that if they insisted on being, or appearing, bored they were doomed to a life of boredom; that those people are, themselves, boring.
It was a good, dream speech. And, like all good speeches, it made me think.
Is it true that if you refuse to be interested in anything, you will cease to be interesting?
I googled this concept, of course. I found mostly "boredom busters". Pages and pages of stuff you can look at and click on that will supposedly keep you and / or your children from being bored. I completely disagree with the premise that if you're bored you should surf the internet. I know that's our society's answer to everything, but really, if you just surf the internet, isn't that inherently boring? Doesn't that behavior lead to a virtual life instead of a REAL one lived with REAL people and REAL things?
The most interesting article I read was on New Republic by Amanda Ripley. In her article, she talks about boredom in school and the mischief that comes along with it. I think this is a real problem. Bright kids, forced to sit through hour after hour of twaddle and dumbed down classes will undoubtedly let their thoughts wander and potentially wander onto topics that aren't good for them. Kids should be kept interested in the subject at hand, not through busy work and endless worksheets, but through real, meaningful interaction with subjects and thinkers and stories who can challenge and uplift them to places they haven't even dreamed of.
I confess to feeling a good bit of boredom in recent weeks. Sitting in the same place on the same couch night after night, watching people live their lives on TV while mine is swishing by too rapidly (even if it is an awesome TV show like Suits which we recently discovered on Amazon Prime). It's just unsatisfying.
I'm embarrassed to admit that last week I asked my family to go to a movie with me. That's not the embarrassing part. My husband agreed, then backed out when tempted by comfy clothes and his spot on the couch. Now, he works hard and I don't begrudge him his nightly Jeopardy fix. I just felt that I NEEDED a change of scenery even though, as he was kind enough to point out, we would just be trading in our screen at home for a bigger one at the theater. One kid wasn't interested unless he could get another family to join us. The other kid was willing, but we didn't go, in all honesty, because it was just too much trouble and I couldn't be bothered to swim against the tide of home-bodies.
There have been some breaks in our monotony since then, and it's a good thing. Boredom leads to mischief at home as well as at school. Fresh air, exercise and a sense of accomplishment help. When I feel that I've accomplished something, however insignificant, I feel happier with myself in particular and with life in general. When I feel happier, my family seems to feel happier too.
Of course, there are proponents of "boredom" out there. Maria Popova, who writes an amazingly interesting and thought-provoking blog called Brain Pickings, argues that there is value in boredom. I guess the difference lies in the kind (?) of boredom. On Brain Pickings, Popova quotes Bertrand Russell:
"Russell recognizes the vitalizing value of this greatly reviled state, outlining two distinct types of boredom:
Boredom, however, is not to be regarded as wholly evil. There are two sorts, of which one is fructifying, while the other is stultifying. The fructifying kind arises from the absence of drugs and the stultifying kind from the absence of vital activities."
I don't think boredom automatically leads to being a bore. But, my dream, speech-making son does have a point. We've all known those people who were too indifferent to be bothered by the effort and concentration it takes to be engaged. Who wants to live like that?
Maybe we can't truly appreciate the times of fruitful activity until we've experienced lapses of the mundane. I know there's a certain holiness or beauty in the routine-ness of life, but that's not what we're talking about here. We're talking about wallowing in boredom and refusing to lift your head to see the possibilities.
So, I guess I should go out there and find something to do, some "vital activity". Maybe I'll find I love something I didn't know I loved or that I'm good at something I didn't know I was good at. I'll never know if I sit at home, bored.
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