Father's Day
I have mixed feelings about Father's Day. On the one hand, I get to celebrate my husband and the amazing man he is. I get a dedicated day to tell him how thankful I am that he's my kids' daddy. I get to ply him with food he loves and pleas for him to go ahead and buy the nice sunglasses he's been wanting already. I'm thankful for Bobby's dad and the relationship Bobby has with him and the fun things he does with my boys.
But, my Daddy passed away just about 8 years ago, my Mom's Dad died when she was 8, and my Dad's Dad passed away when my Dad was in his 20s. So, there's sadness too. I'm thankful today for my Daddy in ways I wasn't before I had kids and in ways I couldn't imagine before I had teenagers.
I was a majorette in high school and tried out for majorette in college. Daddy would know this was happening for months in advance and would hear talk of practices and music and bruises and uniforms. But, he wouldn't get involved until the night before. When I was in the yard making my final adjustments and running through my routine for the last times, he would appear on the steps of the house with a "show me what you've got" look. He would watch my routine through once, tell me to "look it in" when I dropped and disappear into the house. I knew he didn't care one bit about me making majorette or not, and if he was pressed, he would rather me not. But, he cared about me. So, he cared about that dance I did to 'I Go to Rio'.
When my baby
When my baby smiles at me I go to Rio
De Janeiro, my-oh-me-oh
I go wild and then I have to do the Samba
And La Bamba
(Yeah, that routine was AWESOME, believe it or not!)
I didn't get any of my Dad's sense of direction or his math computation skills. That's all my sister. But, I did get his love of a good joke, the outdoors and feeding people. If there was a party, Daddy was filling people's mouths with bites of delicious-ness. I would venture to say that if there's a grill in heaven, Daddy is handing out bites of bar-b-que to Saint Peter and my Great Uncle George.
I will always miss the perfect gifts he gave my boys and the near endless rides he gave them on his golf cart. I wish he were here to watch them play another baseball game, take them to the beach, and teach them to swing a golf club. I wish he were here to laugh when I yell, "Look it in!" when the boys are up to bat. I want to hear him call pants "britches" and see him find the best parking space in the lot while everyone else has to circle for forever. I want him to arrive at my house with his toolbox and fix anything I ask him to while we all trail behind, handing him tools and watching in amazement.
I want him to kiss me on the forehead and say, "I love you sweetie." Or, "You better behave" as he said while taking a father-daughter picture on my wedding day. (Seriously, on my WEDDING day. What did he mean by that?!!)
I just miss him. Before he passed away, I had a come-apart in front of my lifelong friend, Laura. "I'm too young to not have a Daddy" I cried. I still am and I still cry about it sometimes.
So, while Father's Day is wonderful and I don't want to stop having it or anything (then we would stop having Mother's Day too and that would be BAD!) it just makes me feel kind of lonely, a bit melancholy and nostalgic.
I love you too, Daddy. Thanks for everything.
