In a Hurry

I just had a breakthrough. I had a lunch date today with dear girlfriends at the local Thai place. When I finished getting ready at home, I realized I had about 15 minutes to get to lunch and it should only take me about 5. So, I had a decision to make. I could fold the clothes that had just finished their last spin in the dryer and probably be a little late, which would be totally acceptable to these friends. Or, I could take my time, head out, find a good parking space and probably be the first one there.

Here comes the breakthrough.

I chose to be the first one there. 

I don't often make that choice. I'm usually trying to squeeze one more thing into my schedule. I think I can finish baking brownies real quick or grab just a couple of things at Wal Mart and still make it where I need to be in a fairly timely manner.

For most of my adult life, I've felt like I was in a hurry. If I set out to read a book, I count pages in chapters and calculate how long it will take to read. If I'm mopping the floor, I gear up like I'm starting a race. I've used the FlyLady "method" for organizing and cleaning which encourages you to do things in 15 minute increments. I love the principle, but I don't like sometimes feeling rushed.

I'm sure all this hurrying has had a negative impact on my health and I know it's affected my disposition. I often feel my heart rate increase and anxiety starting to tap its way into my thoughts. But, get this, I’m a stay at home mom. What do I have to be in a hurry for? I can't even imagine the press that women who have full-time jobs and families and full lives must feel.

I asked my friends at lunch if they ever feel this same pressure and what they do about it. They both agreed that yes, they often feel like they're in a hurry. My friend who's a thoughtful single, busy, working woman said she thinks it's just the American way. We don't like it, but to get away from it I would have to move to a Latin or African country where they treat time in a whole different way. My other friend is a mom to a young child and her husband used to be our youth pastor. She's the most “chill” person I know. She laughed when I asked about this and said, “If you figure out how to stop, let me know.”

In the Bible in Jeremiah 2:25a it says, “Slow down. Take a deep breath. What’s the hurry? Why wear yourself out? Just what are you after anyway?” (The Message)

What a great question. What AM I after? Truly? What does it profit me to rush around like a chicken with my head cut off? I don't think I've gained anything. Maybe I do it because I just want to be done. Maybe my love of comfort drives me to finish what I know needs to be done so I can do what I want to do without guilt.

I saw an article online called 10 Signs That You May Suffer From Hurry Sickness. “Hurry Sickness”, seriously. It was written in convenient bullet points and said something fairly interesting about patience being a skill and not just a virtue. I didn't take the time to read all of it, but I'm sure it made a lot of sense.

I also read something on Huffington Post called Why We Rush Through Life by Sura. She said, "We cannot be present and rush at the same time." I'm sure that's true. But, then she said, "We’re lazy: It’s easier to rush through life and be on automatic, than to slow down and make a conscious effort to be present. Being present takes energy and intention. Rushing allows us to live on the surface rather than go deep." That really surprised me.

I totally agree that I shouldn't be rushing around, that I should be savoring moments and not sloshing through them on the way to the next thing. So, what would happen if I just slowed everything down? What if I still did first what needs to be done, but I tried to enjoy the process; if I still mopped the floor, but slowed down enough to enjoy seeing the shine on the tiles of my kitchen? What if I still counted pages in my book, but then settled in to enjoy them without worrying too much about how long each page would take me to read. What if I instead stopped to think about what I was reading, even narrate it back to myself to see what I've learned and retained; if I stopped to notice the world around me and took more time to write about and think about the first snowfall or when the first daffodils come up instead of just rushing to write the date in my book of firsts.

I want a life of peace and beauty, a life of calm and fun, a life of relationships and love. I don't think being in a hurry is going to get me there.

When my children were little, all my friends with small kids were playing the “I can't wait game”. They would say things like, “I can't wait until he can walk. I can't wait until she starts kindergarten. I can't wait until they sleep through the night.”

That didn't ring true to me. I was so thrilled to be a mom.  It had been a long road to get here. I didn't want to wish it away. So, I asked God to help me enjoy each stage, each part of my children's lives.

I wanted to cuddle them when they were sick and laugh when they got grass stains on their jeans. I wanted to be the mom who stopped to play a game or listen to the 10 millionth joke my son had made up. I wanted to show up at ALL the basketball games and encourage them to say at least one good thing about the refs afterward. 

Even now, I want to enjoy the way words come together when I write and the way beautiful images appear when I pull out my camera. I want to meet my husband at the door at the end of a long day and tell him I'm glad he's home, and mean it.

Maybe in the same way I asked for help when my boys were little, I need to ask for help now. Help to not wish away the everyday moments that make up my life, because this is my LIFE.

My friend, Melanie, is headmistress of the Red Mountain Community School in Birmingham, AL. She seems to have this “not rushing” thing down. I know she wouldn't agree, but her lack of hurrying is one of the things I love most about her. At one point, in her school, all the clocks had a quote above them. She jokes that they rushed to put it there. But, I love it.

“He who is in a hurry delays the things of God.” St. Vincent de Paul

I don't want to delay the things of God. I want to hasten them, not by hurrying, but by noticing. I want to be so in tune with God and myself that I notice when He speaks, when He answers a prayer, when He's especially near and I just need to take a moment to bask in His presence.

Psalm 46:10 says, “Be still, and know that I am God.”

When I know that He's God and I'm not, don't things go more smoothly? Doesn't my perspective stay a bit clearer? And don't I already know that being still in God's presence makes most things – my will and emotions and plans – more clear?

So, next time I feel that familiar increase in my heart beat, when I feel a tightness in my jaw, when I start counting how many minutes I have left to accomplish an impossible to-do list, I'm going to stop. I'm going to be still. I'm going to breathe in and out and smile and say, “Hey, Amy? What's your hurry? Why wear yourself out? Just what are you after anyway?”