I Wanna See You Be Brave

I've been thinking about being brave a lot lately. At MOPS, mothers of pre-schoolers, where I was a “soul” mom or older mom (I learned after agreeing to help out) our theme last year was Be You Bravely. I love that. Well, I love that idea. I love the thought of living this one life I have bravely, confidently, trying new things and bursting with excitement. But, I'm not sure that translates into my everyday life.

I have a wrapper from a piece of Dove chocolate pinned to my bulletin board. It reads, “Be the first to hit the dance floor.” I'm not often the first to hit the dance floor. I'm also not likely to be the first to raise my hand in a class or try out a new trend in clothes. I like to make sure someone else gives it a whirl first, then, if they survive, I may jump in with both feet. But, I won't be first, definitely not first.

So, does that mean I'm not brave?

And, what does it mean to be brave anyway? Do you have to face down gladiators like Russell Crowe in Gladiator? Do you have to single-handedly bring down a giant like David with Goliath? Do you have to be willing to have a section of your hair dyed purple?

In the dictionary brave means “to meet or face courageously; to brave misfortunes; to defy; challenge, dare.” My son, Allen, says being brave is doing the right thing, even if it hurts you.

I bet there are women out there who don't even think about being brave. They're just out there, doing their thing, living their lives, kicking butt. I bet bravery isn't even on their radar because they're so full of bravery they don't have time to ponder it. Or, maybe they're so busy, they don't have time to think about it.

Sara Bareilles has this wonderful song called “Brave” where she sings about telling people the truth and speaking up for yourself. The video of this song is adorable. I love it. In the video there are people dancing in strange and unusual places - a sidewalk by a bus stop, a shopping mall, a library, a farmer's market and, probably the most impressive act of bravery, a gym.

This video makes me laugh out loud, especially the man in the library. But, does dancing in a public place when no one else is dancing make you brave? I guess in a way it does. These people don't care what others think about them. Or, maybe they care, they just do the hard, or silly, or extravagant thing anyway.

Apparently, this feeling of not being brave isn't unique to me. In the movie You've Got Mail, Meg Ryan's character worries about her life. She writes, “ Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life - well, valuable, but small - and sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around? I don't really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So good night, dear void.”

Well, I want an answer! But, I don't think I'm going to get one. Like most things that are important, I think I'm going to have to struggle through it.

I'd like to think I'm becoming more brave. I'd like to BE brave. I'd like to be like Eowyn from The Lord of the Rings. In the movie Return of the King, instead of staying safely at home and assuring her place as the next ruler of Rohan, Eowyn rides courageously into battle, confident and bold; her long, blond hair tucked under her metal helmet. At a crisis in the battle, Eowyn comes face to face with an awful, huge, faceless, witch king. He's about to kill her uncle, the king, when Eowyn steps in. The witch king takes Eowyn by the throat and says, "You fool. No man can kill me." At that point, Merry, a hobbit, stabs the witch king in the back causing enough of a distraction for the witch king to let go and for Eowyn to pull off her helmet, letting her wavy hair fall beautifully over her shoulders. Then, she delivers one of the most moving, inspirational, "girl-power" lines in the history of movies. She says, clearly and dramatically, "I am no man!" Then she stabs the witch king where his face should be, causing him to implode. It's AWESOME!

So, does bravery have to look like that?

Or, is bravery my friend who's a single mom of 4 boys who keeps getting up every morning and making breakfast and going to work and fighting to make sure her kids are treated fairly? Is it the lady at the farmer's market who paints her nails fluorescent orange or my friend who's a farmer and a woman and a blond in a profession dominated by men?

Does it even matter? Is bravery like so many things in life that looks different on each person who tries it on, like some sort of cosmic little black dress?

I love the way bravery looked when Lucy in Prince Caspian (from the Chronicles of Narnia) tried it on. At one point she, a little girl in a long dress and flowing cape, walks alone onto a bridge to face a huge mob of enemies. They laugh at her when she stands there, brave and proud. They can't believe her audacity and stupidity when she soberly stares them down then draws her tiny knife. But, she knows what they don't. Aslan, the Lion, the hero, the leader, who "isn't safe. But, he's good," is right behind her. Right Behind Her.

God is right behind me, all the time, always there. He's got my back, he's on my side. But, how quickly I forget. As much as I'd like to think I'm courageous enough to slay monsters and face down armies, I really don't fit that mold. I get stressed out and spend afternoons watching Jane Austen movies while eating bowlfuls of white, natural Cheetos ("natural" Cheetos, right...). I'm busy and distracted. I'm impatient and critical. My natural inclination is to think that if God loves you, He must not love me. If He's doing something amazing and glorious in your life then I am less than you, I'm not as spiritual as you, I'm not as important as you.

How absurd. Like Lucy, I know that God is right behind me - The God of the Universe, the Creator of Man, the God who will Provide. Why in the world would I NOT be brave? Why in the world would I NOT trust? Why in the world would I ever compare myself to someone else when God is in control, when I know, I've seen that He provides?

Sara Bareilles says, “Show me how big your brave is.” Maybe my brave isn't as “big” as Queen Esther's who literally took her life into her own hands when she even approached her husband without an invitation, much less when she told him she disagreed with a proclamation her husband's #1 man made targeting her people. Maybe I'll never have to agonize over whether to quit my job or not because of something I'm being asked to do that's wrong.

Maybe my brave just looks like a mom who doesn't buy her kids a cell phone even if EVERYONE ELSE has one.

Or, maybe my brave just means hitting the dance floor first.