I probably shouldn’t even be writing this. People are coming over tomorrow night and there’s still stuff to do. Clean the bathrooms, grate cheese for the grits casserole, set up the dining table to hold the buffet. Stuff. But, it will work out. It usually does and even if it doesn’t, what’s the worst that will happen?
For several months I’ve had a quote hanging on the wall in my family room. It goes, “Hospitality demands that I invite people into the mess that is me.” That’s exactly what I’ve been trying to do this year.
I follow several accounts on Instagram that catalog the dinner parties and family gatherings of all manner of people - a mother and daughter in the midwest, a single man with a dog in the Hamptons, another man who has a strict list of the types of people he invites. And, they all were doing something that I wanted to do more often - invite people over.
I’m of the belief that you don’t get to know people over the back of a pew talking after church or sitting in a restaurant. You get to know people when you see where they live, what color their couch is and the linens used by their great-grandmother.
And, I’m ready for that. We’ve lived in my hometown for 6 years and while we have friends, I am ready for something deeper, stronger. So, I started asking people over.
Through hosting a group of women for dinner, some teenagers for Sunday lunch, two friends from high school and a summer supper club, I think I’m on the way. On the way to the kind of relationships and intimacy that I long for.
My home is far from perfect and there’s occasionally something slightly off with the meals I cook, but I’m here and I’m bravely welcoming people into the mess. Because hospitality isn’t really about your home or food, is it? It’s about relationships and getting real and being fully who God made you to be.
So, while I definitely want the people who step across my threshold to be comfortable, to have their appetites satisfied. Even more, I want them to know they’re loved and cared for. I want them to feel like they belong, like they can open the cabinets to find a cup, or get seconds without asking, or scoop ice out of the freezer.
And, I want them to want to curl up on the couch where they’re free to laugh too loud and stay too long. Because when I ask others into the mess that is me, that means I’m willing to step into the mess that is them.
For tomorrow, the dining table will probably be pretty, the grits casserole will be delicious and I’ll happily hand everyone a yogurt parfait when they come in the door. We’ll share about our weeks and listen to the hard things we’re going through. And that will happen even if the bathrooms aren’t as clean as I would like or there’s a strange smell coming from the refrigerator.
Because hospitality is all about inviting people in, even when, especially when, things aren’t perfect.
