Go put on your socks… and come straight back here

Our son, Davis, got married in May. I’m thrilled to finally have another girl in the family. Their wedding weekend was beautiful and sweet. The dinner on Friday night was small and joyful. George’s Steak Pit in Sheffield, AL was intimate and delicious. They were more helpful than we could have hoped. 

That’s the scene of the following toast. On Friday night our families and closest friends gathered to spend a little time together, eat delicious steaks and Hershey Bar pie, and toast the beautiful, happy couple. Here is my toast to the bride and groom…

Hey, everyone. Thank you so much for being here tonight. Bobby and I are grateful you’ve all made the time to celebrate with us this weekend. 

When I started thinking about making this toast, of course I thought about what advice or prayers for y’all that I should share. I could share the advice my sister gave me before marrying your dad - “Trade ballet for basketball.” Y’all could trade thrifting for golf or something like that. I could also share the advice you and your brother gave to Aunt Ree before she married Uncle Keith. They got married the summer after you finished 3rd grade. 

Allen’s advice was “Always keep a pizza in the freezer,” and yours was “Let Uncle Keith read the newspaper.”

All great marriage advice. But, what really came to mind was a story from when you were little. 

As I already mentioned, Davis has a twin brother, Allen. When they were little, on school mornings, I would give them both the same simple list:
“Go put on your socks, get your shoes, bring them back here, I’ll help you put them on, and grab your school bag—you’ll need to put your lunch in there.”

The boys would scamper off and I’d turn back to making lunches or cleaning up breakfast. 

A few minutes later, Allen would reappear—socks on, shoes in hand, school bag already slung over his shoulder, ready to go. And I would help him finish up.

But Davis…I often found Davis in the hallway. No socks. No shoes. No school bag. Usually reading a book or happily occupied with something far more interesting than socks. Then I would help Davis finish his list but I’ll be honest—I probably wasn’t always as patient as I should have been.

After this happened several times, I realized something important: I needed to do things differently with each of my boys. To Allen I could still rattle off the full list. With Davis, I learned to say, “Go put on your socks… and come straight back here.”

So when I learned Davis was going to propose to Kailee, I was happy and excited. Kailee, I have been praying for you since I found out I was expecting and we are so thankful you are part of our family.

But if I’m being honest, as I started thinking about marriage—this beautiful, lifelong commitment—I had a very real moment of concern.

I thought, “Oh no… Davis is going to get overwhelmed. He’s going to end up sitting in the hallway with no socks, no shoes, and no lunchbox.”

So tonight, Davis and Kailee, I want to offer you two simple pieces of marriage advice. Nothing complicated. Just things you can come back to, one step at a time. 

First—find the funny.

There is almost always something in a situation that is ridiculous enough to make you laugh.

For example, when we were living in Texas, Bobby came home and announced he had taken a new job. I was thrilled… until he added, “It’s in Norfolk, Nebraska. We’re moving to Nebraska.”

I said “Nebraska? I’ve never even wanted to visit Nebraska.”

And we laughed.

Nebraska turned out to be a wonderful season of our lives—full of good friends and good memories. In fact, it’s still a little funny that the place I never wanted to visit is where Allen has chosen to make his home.

Life has a way of doing that. So don’t miss the humor along the way. It will carry you farther than you think.

Second, but most importantly—the Bible has already given you everything you need to know about love.

In 1 Corinthians 13:4–8, it says:

“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever!”

And, that is my prayer for you Babycakes, and for your marriage with Kailee. That you’ll both work really hard at being a good husband or wife, one thing at a time, and your love will last forever. 

To Davis and Kailee!

The Mess That Is Me

I probably shouldn’t even be writing this. People are coming over tomorrow night and there’s still stuff to do. Clean the bathrooms, grate cheese for the grits casserole, set up the dining table to hold the buffet. Stuff. But, it will work out. It usually does and even if it doesn’t, what’s the worst that will happen? 

For several months I’ve had a quote hanging on the wall in my family room. It goes, “Hospitality demands that I invite people into the mess that is me.” That’s exactly what I’ve been trying to do this year. 

I follow several accounts on Instagram that catalog the dinner parties and family gatherings of all manner of people - a mother and daughter in the midwest, a single man with a dog in the Hamptons, another man who has a strict list of the types of people he invites. And, they all were doing something that I wanted to do more often - invite people over.

I’m of the belief that you don’t get to know people over the back of a pew talking after church or sitting in a restaurant. You get to know people when you see where they live, what color their couch is and the linens used by their great-grandmother. 

And, I’m ready for that. We’ve lived in my hometown for 6 years and while we have friends, I am ready for something deeper, stronger. So, I started asking people over. 

Through hosting a group of women for dinner, some teenagers for Sunday lunch, two friends from high school and a summer supper club, I think I’m on the way. On the way to the kind of relationships and intimacy that I long for.

My home is far from perfect and there’s occasionally something slightly off with the meals I cook, but I’m here and I’m bravely welcoming people into the mess. Because hospitality isn’t really about your home or food, is it? It’s about relationships and getting real and being fully who God made you to be. 

So, while I definitely want the people who step across my threshold to be comfortable, to have their appetites satisfied. Even more, I want them to know they’re loved and cared for. I want them to feel like they belong, like they can open the cabinets to find a cup, or get seconds without asking, or scoop ice out of the freezer. 

And, I want them to want to curl up on the couch where they’re free to laugh too loud and stay too long. Because when I ask others into the mess that is me, that means I’m willing to step into the mess that is them. 

For tomorrow, the dining table will probably be pretty, the grits casserole will be delicious and I’ll happily hand everyone a yogurt parfait when they come in the door. We’ll share about our weeks and listen to the hard things we’re going through. And that will happen even if the bathrooms aren’t as clean as I would like or there’s a strange smell coming from the refrigerator. 

Because hospitality is all about inviting people in, even when, especially when, things aren’t perfect.