I’ve been cooking a lot lately. Just tonight we ate barbecue that I had recently cooked industriously freezing the leftovers. I’ve made three different kinds of cookies in recent weeks and roasted nuts and made candied pecans. 

I like to cook and have regularly made home cooked meals over the time I’ve been married, but for the last two years I barely cooked at all. I definitely didn’t make cookies. It’s because for the last two years my husband, Bobby, has been working in Mississippi, four hours away. Since Bobby has the joy of working six days a week, weekend trips are less than ideal. So, we saw each other every other weekend. 

I felt weirdly disconnected from Bobby when he was far away. I can’t even imagine being married to an astronaut or someone who works on a submarine or a fishing boat in Alaska. At least I knew where Bobby was and could call whenever I wanted to.

Missing Bobby would come in waves. Sometimes it was intense and painful. Sometimes it was mild and almost forgettable. But it was always there, an ache, a feeling that something wasn't quite right. Since he’s been back a part of my heart and mind and emotions have been freed up. I’ve been more productive and creative, thus the cooking.

“Your absence has gone through me like thread through a needle. Everything I do is stitched with its color.” – W.S. Merwin 

Some people might have coped with the absence by cooking and baking more. But I just couldn’t drum up the energy and enthusiasm. Not like tonight. Tonight I baked Chocolate Dipped Potato Chip Cookies.  

If you don’t know me well or only see me at church on Sundays, you might not have known that I was living solo. I tried not to talk about it much. It was just too complicated. Plus, it made me feel sad. So, I let people wonder why my husband never came to church and I smiled and said, “I’m making it,” when people asked how I was. 

People who do the kind of work Bobby does often live like that, apart. But, for the decade plus that Bobby’s worked in the right of way industry, we’ve made every move a family affair, until now. Since the boys are all grown up and living on their own, this time it was just me and Bobby. When Bobby got the job in Mississippi, we talked about making the move together. But I have a job and a home and a mom nearby, so we didn’t feel like I could just up and move. So, I stayed put while Bobby up and moved. 

And it was odd. We made it work the best we could. We prayed a lot and talked on the phone. We took turns driving across the width of Alabama, like the state is Santa’s belly and our path back and forth was his belt. 

When I would visit Bobby, we would go on adventures and dates. We got out and about and took advantage of the fun activities offered in the bustling city of Meridian. When he came home, we tried to do things too, try new restaurants, visit family. But Bobby’s time at home more often lent itself to things we had been putting off, chores and to-do lists. 

When I was home alone, I walked the dog, watched Netflix, and had dinner with friends. I exercised and asked ChatGPT questions. But I didn’t really do much, you know? I don’t think I made great progress on any projects or goals. The dining room chairs still need to be recovered, and the family room needs to be redecorated. And I didn’t even notice that I was just surviving, that I was just keeping my head above water and getting by.

Now that Bobby’s back home full time it’s been interesting. I’m so thankful and relieved but it hasn’t always been smooth or easy. He doesn’t ever expect me to walk the dog, and he washes most of the dishes which is great. But, coming back together hasn’t been without its adjustments. I’m not naturally a very independent person but while he was gone, I had to be. If I didn’t clean, it didn’t get cleaned. If I didn’t write the tithe check, it didn’t get written. And no one would know but me. 

I’m really glad Bobby’s back. Life is settling back into what it’s supposed to be even though I sometimes wonder why sports are on the TV again or where all the dirty clothes came from. I’m thankful we’re back under the same roof. And I’m already planning what to cook next. I think it will be French onion soup, or maybe pumpkin dip with ginger snaps.