Everything is Going to be Okay

             If I asked you to help write a recipe for uncertainty, fear, or depression, what would it look like? Maybe, lock everyone up at home with their families? Spread a potentially life-threatening illness around the globe? Fill the news with contentious politics and acts of violence?

            Life today looks a lot like the results of that recipe. It’s no wonder so many of us are struggling with panic, frustration, and sorrow.

            It’s completely ok to be fearful. It’s what we do with that fear or what we do in the midst of that fear that matters.

            Do we watch incessant episodes of Gilmore Girls while eating Cheetos and cookie dough? (Asking for a friend.) Do we hide and waste the time we’ve been given? Or do we decide to rise?

            And, if we decide to rise, how do we do that? How do we rise above the chaos and the hand sanitizer and the nightly news? I know I can’t do it alone. I need something bigger than myself, something greater to pull me out of my worry and doubt. I need the Lord.

            So did a guy in the Bible named David. You’ve heard of him. He’s the guy who killed a lion and a bear while tending his flock of sheep. He stood up to the Philistine giant, Goliath. And he was a successful young captain in Israel’s army. Israel was constantly at war in those days, so David knew what it was to be scared and saddle up anyway, to loosely quote John Wayne. David would eventually rise to be King of the nation of Israel.

            David didn’t deny the presence of fear in his life, yet he knew what to do with it. He boldly trusted God despite his distress and dismay.

            In Psalm 56 verses 3 and 4 David said, “Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You. In God (I will praise His word), in God I have put my trust; I will not fear, what can flesh do to me?” While you and I both know that “flesh” can do a lot of painful things, what David was saying here is the good God gives is much greater than anything another person might do to him.

            In this Psalm, David finds himself captured by some of his enemies and he is very alone. He fled from Saul who was king, who was his boss, his commander in chief, and went to Gath which is where Goliath was from. Goliath’s people hadn’t forgotten what David had done. David, much younger and much smaller, had humiliated the Philistines by destroying their champion with just a slingshot and a rock. The Philistines were still mad about that.

            What seemed to bother David the most about this situation wasn’t just being imprisoned, or solitary, or in danger, David was bothered most by the pressure, the unrelenting seriousness of his situation. In Psalm 56 verses 1 and 2 David says, “Be merciful to me, my God, for my enemies are in hot pursuit; all day long they press their attack. My adversaries pursue me all day long; in their pride many are attacking me.” Then, in verse 5 he says, “All day long they twist my words; all their schemes are for my ruin. (emphasis mine)”

            The incessant-ness of his situation was getting to David. Isn’t that what bothers us the most too? When you dread bedtime because your five-year-old is going to put up a fight. When you just want to be able to visit with your friends or work or go to the grocery store without a mask and hand sanitizer in your pocket. When you just can’t get away from the political arguments.

            But David knew God was with him. God loved him. God heard him and was sympathetic to David’s problem. In Psalm 56 verses 8-9 say, “You number my wanderings; put my tears in Your bottle; are they not in Your book? When I cry to You, then my enemies will turn back; this I know, because God is for me.”

            So, what do we do with this? How can I apply this to my life today? How can I daily live out my trust in God? Here are just a few things I’m trying to do.

1.                          One of my resolutions for 2021 is to listen to the Gospels on my Bible app. I can do it while I’m in the car, cooking dinner or folding clothes. I love how the stories that are so familiar come alive when read one after the other.

2.                          Pray. When I pray, I’m trying not to recite my problems repeatedly. I share what’s on my heart, of course, then I thank God for the many blessings He’s placed in my life.

3.                        Journal. I try to journal most weekdays. I set my timer for 15 minutes, open my journal and write. It’s not always pretty or Godly or even legible. But it helps me get the thoughts out of my brain and on to paper. Amy Grant, the singer, calls it a brain dump.

            While you’re making use of one of these practices or something completely different, remember that you’re not alone. You’re never alone. Some of you are literally NEVER alone. You long for a day when you don’t have anyone clinging to your leg or pressed up against the door while you’re in the bathroom.

            God isn’t like that. He’s the company you want to have, the breath of fresh air that clears your lungs and your brain and revives you for the time ahead.

            One night when my twins were about three years old, I tucked them in to bed and heard the dreaded words, “Mom, don’t leave. I’m scared.” I tucked Allen in tighter and told him he didn’t have anything to worry about. Dad and I were right down the hall and besides, Jesus was right there in the room with him. He had no reason to be afraid.

            I told the boys to blow out the light, flipped the switch and closed the door most of the way. Then, I went about my nightly routine – wash the dishes, wash my face, pick out clothes for tomorrow. While walking past the boys’ bedroom, I paused outside the door to see if Allen had calmed down. He was completely quiet. Davis however was chanting over and over, “I’m Jesus! I’m Jesus!” He was the only other person in there and if I told Allen that Jesus was right in the room with him then…

            After laughing for a few minutes, I entered their room to start over. It went something like this, “Okay, Jesus is in here with y’all, but your brother is not him…”

 

“Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway.”

-John Wayne

 

 

 

 

The Atlanta Airport at 5am

A day or two after posting this article about meditation, it occurred to me I left out the most important part. You don’t just empty your head of thoughts, no matter how hard that part or how pretty your imaginary bowl. As the voice says, “Inner emptiness is not the goal but the preparation.” The goal is to be filled with Godly truth.

After you’ve gotten all relaxed and quiet and rid yourself of most of your distracting thoughts (do I really need to wash the dog, can I make that yummy roast beef in my InstantPot?) then you need to fill yourself up. 

May your mind be as "un-busy" as the Atlanta airport at 5am.

Before the meditation even starts you choose what Bible passage you want to focus on. There are categories like “Who is Jesus?” or “Praying.” From the category you narrow your choices to something like “A prayer to God the Father, Matthew 6:9-13” or “God answers, Luke 11:5-10.”

Here the real blessing begins. You listen to the voice read the scripture a bit at a time. There’s silence in between the phrases and repetition. I’ve noticed parts of very familiar passages because I never slow down enough to truly listen to each word. In the practice of meditation, I do. 

After all that quiet and stillness and Words of Truth, the voice invites you to “take a moment and come back.” At this point I’m ready to get moving or try to get back to sleep. But, I’m definitely feeling more relaxed and focused on the Lord. 

If you haven’t tried meditation before, I recommend Jesus Centered Meditation. If you have, I’d love to hear what you think.

Is Your Mind Busy?

             Would you judge me if I told you that I meditate? Why am I asking? Of course, you would. And, if you told me the same thing, I would try to wait for a full explanation before telling you to be careful; before assuming you’re opening yourself up to all kinds of wickedness and voodoo silliness.

            That’s why you might be surprised to hear me say I try to meditate regularly. I think it’s excellent for helping me focus my attention on the here and now. It keeps me from getting all tied up in knots when things don’t go my way, and who am I kidding? When do things really go my way? But I haven’t always been so open-minded.

            About two years ago, I participated in something called a PCOS 10 Week Program with Kym Campbell. This isn’t an article about PCOS, but just so you know, I have a horrible thing called Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome which, in the words of a nutritionist, has been the cause of all my health issues my whole life. Debilitating headaches? Infertility? Inability to lose weight? Yep, all a result of the nasty, icky thing called PCOS.

            Kym Campbell assured me she could help with all this. One of the ways she could help was by teaching me to manage my emotions. And, in order to manage emotions, Kym highly suggested meditating. I've heard time and again how important and beneficial meditating is. It calms your nerves, soothes your senses, lowers your stress levels. Perfect. I need all that. 

            But when I came to this part of the PCOS program, a healthy skepticism reared up in me along with a Christian fear. We're not supposed to meditate, are we? That's mumbo jumbo, chanting and becoming one with the earth, right? I don't want to get into that stuff. But I wondered if there was a way, as a Believer in the saving power of Jesus, to use meditation to my advantage; to lower my stress levels and deepen my relationship with the Lord at the same time.

            The Bible talks about meditating. Joshua 1:8 says, “Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful.”

           

            Psalm 1:1-2 says, “Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked or stand in the way that sinners take or sit in the company of mockers, but whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and who meditates on his law day and night.”

            The difference is what you meditate on. When meditation is mentioned in the Bible, it's with a focus on the Word of God, on thinking about the right things. I knew there were numerous meditation apps I could get on my phone, so I did a search to find if there were any “Christian” ones. 

            A quick Google Play search turned up over 25 apps all devoted to Christian meditation. I clicked through a couple and installed two on my phone, the very popular Abide which claims to reach 4 million people helping them through depression and anxiety and the one I started using (which was free) called Jesus Centered Meditation.

            I can't even type the words Jesus Centered Meditation without hearing the disembodied voice of the meditation guide. She has some sort of accent and a slight speech impediment. There's one part where I swear she's going to say, "And now it's time for 'Silly Songs with Larry', the part of the show where Larry comes out and sings a Silly Song". But she never does.

            Over the months I’ve tried to more than just listen to the voice and participate in the exercises. I’ve tried to practice. Just like in my teenage years when I did the basic positions of ballet over and over again, until my muscles knew automatically what was coming next, meditation must be practiced. Just like praying for a whole hour with Moms in Prayer isn’t something that comes easily or naturally at first, meditation must be practiced.

            It’s hard to still my body, much less my mind. It’s hard to bring focus to your breath or the words of scripture and keep your focus there. It’s hard not to get frustrated when your thoughts drift to the kids or the grocery list or how long it’s been since you changed the sheets.

            But, like those ballet positions that are so ingrained I still walk like a duck, meditation gets easier. You get better at it.

            One thing I've gotten much better at is clearing my mind. The speech impediment, soothing voice encourages me to just "notice" what thoughts I've brought with me. "Watch each thought for a moment," she says. "Is your mind busy?" To begin with when she asked this very simple question, my answer was an equally simple, “Uh, yeah.” My mind seemed to always be busy; busy, busy, busy.  

            After those questions, the voice instructs me to put my thoughts one after another in an imaginary bowl in front of me. In my head, the bowl is one of those flat-ish clear glass bowls, one that might hold potpourri or water and floating candles. That was probably a busy thought one day, imagining what my bowl would actually look like.

            Taming my thoughts has been the hardest part of meditation. I tried to imagine myself taking each of my busy thoughts and letting them slip from my fingers into my beautiful bowl. But sometimes my thoughts were sticky. They clung to my fingers, demanding my attention. I tried to scrape them off onto the lip of the bowl, but they were persistent little suckers.

            Then, the voice says, "You can cover the bowl, if you need to." 

            What a great idea! In my mind, I covered the bowl. First, I gently laid a beautiful piece of tapestry over my bowl. I soon learned that wouldn’t do the job. A flimsy tapestry could hardly contain those busy thoughts. They would crawl over the edge and make their escape. So, I ended up using the tapestry to help dislodge my thoughts from my fingers, wiping them on the cloth then laying it over the bowl again. Realizing the pretty option wasn't working, I found something that did. 

            In my mind, I used a piece of Glad Press'nSeal Plastic Food Wrap. There we go! Now, I could shove my thoughts in that bowl, seal them up, and if another one floated by, I could pull the wrap off part of the bowl, stick the new thought in, and reseal. Voila!

            It took so much effort, and at first trying to rid myself of my busy thoughts just made me tired. But it does get easier. Now, when I meditate, I often don't see any thoughts floating by. I’ve gotten to the point where I feel calm and quiet in my body and my mind when I start my meditation app. But if those pesky thoughts start flying around my head, I can always grab a piece of imaginary Press'nSeal and I'm back in business.

           

            While my PCOS is not under control and I don’t know if my blood pressure is lower, I do know that I enjoy and look forward to meditating. I’ve started using the app to help me fall asleep or back asleep if I’ve woken up at 2am as often happens. It’s better than watching Gilmore Girls or scrolling through Pinterest. 

            Just like journaling, eating mostly meat and plants and walking my dog are all pieces of a puzzle that may one day help me feel healthy and vibrant, meditation is helpful, too.

            In silence and in meditation on the eternal truths, I hear the voice of God which excites our hearts to greater love.

C. S. Lewis

Hey Friends,

I've been away a long time. I've missed you and AmyLocks. It's been a long, weird year and life continues to throw interesting things my way. I'm praying and learning and I'm sure I'll tell you all about it at some point. Until then...

An Angel Works at DMV

“Is all the information on your driver’s license correct?” she asked. I knew this was coming, so I was ready.  I leaned over the divider separating us and whispered, “No. I don’t weigh 115 anymore.” 

Going to the Department of Motor Vehicles is almost never a pleasant experience. We don’t expect it to be. We moan and commiserate about having to go there, how long it will take, how unpleasant the people who work there are going to be. But, regardless of where we live and who we are, everyone at one point or another ends up at the DMV.

The lady who asked if I needed to change anything on my license laughed when I made my secret confession. She looked up, meeting my eyes, sharing a moment of humanity and sympathy. She didn’t pass judgment when I upped my number, knowing I could have let it pass, leaving my weight the same as it had been when I was a 16-year-old who spent all her time doing ballet and twirling batons. 

Recently, I had another surprisingly pleasant experience at the DMV. Not entirely pleasant, but pleasant enough. And, I can now admit the parts that weren’t pleasant were entirely my fault.

It’s like this…

Over 32 years of license renewals and moves from state to state my name has gotten changed. It happened so gradually, I hardly noticed. First it was Amy Mildred Bass, then, Amy Bass Britton. 

Where I’m from, it’s customary for a married woman to begin using her “maiden” name as her middle name.  Thus, all those deep, southern, well-thought-out middle names are abandoned only to be resurrected by our mothers when we do things that shock or embarrass them. 

After marrying Bobby Britton, or Robert Davis Britton as it says on his driver’s license, I became, for all intents and purposes, Amy Bass Britton.

I got used to this name very quickly. After four months of marriage I got a job as a junior high history teacher. I heard “Mrs. Britton, Mrs. Britton” all the livelong day. So, I easily settled into life as Amy Britton or officially Amy B. Britton whenever I had to sign my paychecks from Georgia Washington Junior High School.

At some point along the way my name became the very long Amy Mildred Bass Britton, then, it was shortened to Amy Mildred Britton. As a result of these changes, my driver’s license and passport didn’t match anymore. I realized this could be a problem, so I set out to change my name back, to stake my claim.

Amy Mildred Britton, as I am now officially known, was a stranger. I almost didn’t recognize her and never signed anything with her name. So, I looked online to see when my local Driver’s License Renewal Center was open, cleared my schedule and headed out. 

The morning was cold, windy and snowy. School was cancelled. I don’t think I’ve ever gone out when school’s been cancelled. If it’s not safe for the buses, it’s not safe for Amy Bass Britton. But I was determined, so off I went. I should have known nothing good could come from venturing out on a “snow day.” 

I arrived at the DMV ten minutes after it opened, supposedly. Once I found a place to park, slogged through melting snow puddles and climbed over one snow pile which was taking up a whole parking space, I made it into the crowded warmth of the dingy office. 

After a bit of confusion, I realized I had to get a ticket to get in line. Mine was #92.  I found a hard, orange chair, settled in and looked hopefully at the lighted display announcing which number was being served. #68. 

Never fear! I was prepared for a wait with Sudoku and Pinterest on my phone, a real live book in my purse, and a plethora of people around me to eavesdrop on. Thank goodness I’m nosy because after only a few minutes I heard a lady saying she had to leave to get a money order. 

First mistake. In my rush to make sure I had many forms of proper documentation to verify the correct name on my license, I didn’t think about how to pay for it. After mulling the situation over, watching the “now being served sign” click slowly closer to #92, I decided to take a chance and drive quickly to Rite Aid for a money order. 

Five minutes away, Rite Aid was deserted. Once I found an employee I was told their money order “machine” was out of order. My best and closest bet was a gas station five minutes further away. 

I found the gas station, quickly walked to the counter and asked for help with a money order. You can’t get a money order with a credit or debit card. Did you know that? I obviously didn’t, so I made my way outside to their ATM. Trying to decide how much money to withdraw I kept hearing my husband say, “Don’t use those random ATM machines. Their fees are crazy.” He would drive 20 miles out of the way to avoid paying those fees.

I said a silent apology, acknowledged it couldn’t be helped and made my withdrawal. 

Cash from the ATM in hand, I made my way back inside the gas station, secured a money order, wondered how close to #92 they were at the DMV, then rushed back to my van. I found my way back to the DMV, got a parking place that didn’t require scaling a mountain of snow, slogged through only one puddle and made it back inside. Now serving #81.

A mere 11 tired and disgruntled DMV patrons later, it was my turn. Douglas, a kind looking man, motioned me to his window where I laid my life before him. He gently returned several of the documents I presented then took a closer look at my passport. 

After all the time and energy given to this endeavor, Douglas informed me that the passport he was holding was expired. 

Apparently, my current passport was at home with my checkbook and my brain. Douglas continued his kindness by telling me if I could be back before 3:30 when the DMV closes, like an elementary school, he’d be happy to make whatever changes he could. Plus, as an added bonus, I wouldn’t have to get a new number and wait in line. I could come directly back to his window where Douglas and I would pick up where we left off.

Since the DMV is open for about 20 minutes every third Tuesday, I vowed to make this happen today. 

So, I headed quickly to the parking lot to relinquish my parking spot to another weary DMV-er and headed home for the correct passport and what I was sure was a return to my correct name.

The end was practically in sight.

I arrived home, anxiously flipped through the important papers and grasped my leathery, only used once so far, passport. I flipped it open and sighed in resignation. It doesn’t belong to Amy Bass Britton. It belongs to that person that’s not so familiar, Amy Mildred Britton.

I gathered the passport, stuck the money order inside, added my checkbook to the pile for good measure and wearily began my 23 minute trudge back to the DMV. Feeling defeated and stupid, I parked in the lot again, made my way past all those orange, plastic chairs and waited for Douglas to finish up his business with an excited new driver and her mom. I sat there trying to think of some way the Pennsylvania DMV would let me use the name on my old passport to validate the name I wanted on my new driver’s license. 

When my turn came, Douglas smiled and motioned me forward. I sighed and laid my disappointing offering on the altar of his counter. I began my lament, showing Douglas my new passport with the new, unfamiliar name Amy Mildred Britton. 

Assuring me that the Pennsylvania DMV would not accept my expired passport as evidence of the name I wished was on my driver’s license, Douglas boldly took my documents to his supervisor for approval. His supervisor was confrontational and abrupt.  He even tagged along when Douglas came back to look over his shoulder and assure me that none of my smiles or explanations would work with him. He didn’t say that, but I know it’s what he meant.

I thanked Douglas for trying and asked how I could go about eventually making the changes I wanted. He assured me it could only be done in court. Court? I thought. Oh, for heaven’s sake. It’s definitely not worth it.

Who knew it was so hard to change your name? I mean, there’s an episode of Friends where Phoebe changes her name to Princess something with only a form, a few minutes, and some creative thinking. I had a social security card and a passport with a hole punched in it!

Douglas had heard my “I’ve always used my maiden and last names” explanation and as he gathered the documents he needed to process my renewal he said, “That must just be a local thing.” “But, I’m not local,” I asserted. 

As I dejectedly put the superfluous papers away, Douglas began telling a story.

“You can sign your name any way you want,” he said. “Just like Derek Jeter.” Excuse me? I thought raising my left eyebrow at him.

Douglas excitedly told me about a stadium seat he had bought from old Yankee stadium. He admitted he had paid too much for it, but the seat was signed by Babe Ruth and Derek Jeter.  Douglas has to tell people it’s Jeter’s signature because it looks like a squiggly line.  A very expensive squiggly line.  I guess when Derek Jeter was drafted they didn’t care what his signature looked like so long as he could hit a line drive and make amazing catches at shortstop.

According to the Pennsylvania DMV that’s why you’re asked for ID as well as a signature, because you can sign your name however you want. I can be Mrs. Amy Bass Britton or whatever as long as it’s unreadable.

I didn’t accomplish what I set out to that day at the DMV, but a mere 3 hours and 15 minutes later I had renewed my expired license (didn’t I mention it was expired?) and also renewed my hope for a decent humanity. While I may be disorganized and less attentive to detail than I had realized, Douglas was a lovely delight at the DMV. 

Next time you have to renew your license, look for your Douglas at the DMV. Or, if you know Douglas, please tell him thanks.

Bits and Pieces, Part 3

          For the last two weeks, you've been wading through a letter of advice I wrote to my twin boys. They graduated from high school in June 2018 and it threw me for a loop. I mean, I knew it was coming, but when graduation day and then worse, moving day, arrived, I was shocked. Where had the time gone? Had I taught them the things I intended to? Had I spent enough time with them? Had I been obedient to raise these young men like God asked me to?

           While I hoped my husband, Bobby, and I had imparted some sense of wisdom and love to these guys, I was afraid. Afraid I might need 18 more years to truly do justice to the raising of a blessing, afraid I might have taken too many naps and not enough trips to the library with them, afraid I had missed telling them something truly important. 

           So, I started praying. Then, I started writing. Below is the last of the advice I felt compelled, at this point, to share with Allen and Davis and now, with you. If you missed the first two parts you can read them here and here.  

           Recycle – It’s the right thing to do and it doesn’t have to be complicated. Hopefully, it will make a big difference. Recycling is one of those things people notice, probably because they don’t do it. Take a bag to the grocery store. Drop your glass, plastic and newspapers off at the recycling center. It’s not that big a deal, it will inspire others to get on the ball and again, hopefully it will make a big difference.

            Live Simply – When you can uncomplicate your life, do so. There are lots of great books and TV shows out there about this. Though I may have lots of stuff, I try to keep my schedule simple. I also try to get rid of extra stuff regularly, or at least when we move. Don’t fuss at your family about this. Just lead by example.

            Travel – When you have a choice between buying things or taking a trip, opt for the trip. Don’t be afraid to try a new place for vacation or take your kids on a long car ride. Dad will be happy to provide some of his epic shortcuts for you. That is what amazing memories are made of. If you have the chance to live overseas at some point, do it. Your dad and I will visit, and it will change you for the better. Experiencing new and challenging things, especially as a family, is what makes you stronger. Remember, camping is always a fun, cheaper option. Just get out there.

If you have a kid that gets car sick, make sure you have plastic bags close at hand and put the kid in the front if possible. While I don’t think sticking your fingers out of a car window will take away the nausea (as your Grandmom told me), it may distract someone long enough to help them feel better.

Take Care of Your Health – Eat fruits and vegetables every day, every meal if possible. Take a walk. Go outside and sit in the sun, breathe the fresh air. Find a doctor you love and trust. I read once that you should find a doctor about your age then you can grow old together. 

Turn off the Screens – Luke Bryan sings a song called Most People are Good. In it he says, “I believe kids oughta stay kids as long as they can. Turn off the screen, go climb a tree, get dirt on their hands.” Good advice for kids, good advice for you too. Enjoy the simple, pay attention to the people around you, don’t be glued to your phone or the TV or any screen.

San Antonio Symphony in the Beeville High School Auditorium

Enjoy lots of different activities – When Dad and I were dating, he took me on all kinds of different outings – bike riding in Auburn, the ballet at the Shakespeare Festival in Montgomery, free concerts on campus. He read you should do lots of different things when you’re dating to see how your “special friend” acts in different situations. I passed his test and we had lots of fun. Dad still delights in finding fun and different things for us to do. Just last night in Beeville, TX, he took me to see the San Antonio symphony at Beeville High School. The music was wonderful, the tickets were cheap, and we enjoyed a night out. There’s so much neat stuff out there to do. Go do it!

            I love y’all more than I can put into words. While I think you know that, let me just say it here, I love you, more than I could ever adequately express, more than my own life. As a result of that love, I feel the need to keep on telling you stuff. Some of these bits and pieces may seem trite or silly, but I think they’re important. Humor me, read this and live at least some of it out.

Love,

Mom

            P.S. I reserve the right to add to this list at any time and without any warning. I am still your Mom.

Something fun to brighten your day...

I want you to have it all!

Bits and Pieces, Part 2

           Last week, I shared the beginning of a letter I wrote to my twin, 19 year old boys.  This is simply things I want to make sure they know. None of this is earth shattering, but hopefully it makes them think. It made me think as I wrote it, how I want to live, what I think is important and what I hope these two young men teach my grandkids one day.

           Here's Part 2 of 3. If you missed part 1, you can read it here.

           Clean Up – Clean up after yourself especially, but help others clean up too. You didn’t have many chores at home, but you know the general principles of washing dishes and clothes, dusting and vacuuming. Make “Tidying Up” a habit. It's not the “woman's job.” It's the job of all people who use a particular space. Change your sheets often and those crazy Mr. Clean “white sponges” will clean almost anything.

            Be the Leader- If you marry a Godly woman, and I hope and pray you do, she’s going to expect you to be the leader of your family. Step up to the plate. It will be hard and uncomfortable at times. You are both more than capable of leading with gentleness, strength and love.  You are fierce protectors. That quality will become more evident as you become a husband and a daddy. Don’t be afraid to do what you think is right.

That being said; listen to your wife. She will sometimes need to wisely appeal your decisions. Let her. If possible, do what she suggests. If it’s not possible, stand strong. God’s the head of you and your family. Ask Him, trust Him and do what He says. You and your family will feel the blessing of your obedience and leadership.

            Save Money – I think both of you are learning to be wise with money. I think some of that comes from Dave Ramsey. Dad and I have listened to him for years. Once when listening to Dave in the car, we heard a caller who was burdened with debt including an unwise, expensive car lease. Y’all had become “Dave” experts by this point. After hearing the caller’s story, you started yelling, “Sell the car!”

When you start making money, whether from a career or a part time job, start saving, start tithing and start giving. Don’t neglect the saving part and don’t get sucked into overspending like so many people in this world. You’ll regret it.

            Never stop learning – My goal as your homeschool teacher from third to ninth grade wasn’t simply to fill your heads. I wanted you to love learning. I realize there will be gaps in your education, things you’re curious about that you never learned. There are gaps in my education too. It’s what you do with those gaps that makes you a lifelong learner. Go to the library, keep a list of books or topics that are interesting and work your way through them. Some of the most fun and interesting people I know are curious and constant learners. If all you can manage is a chapter before bed, or several pages over lunch, don’t stop reading and learning. Ever. Just don’t stop.

            Bring flowers for no reason – Fresh flowers are a cheap and easy way to add beauty to your home. Your wife or girlfriend will appreciate it. It’s sweet and thoughtful and will earn you huge brownie points.

Flowers from Allen

            Pay attention – If flowers aren’t part of your wife or girlfriend’s love language, figure out what is. Maybe it’s an afternoon phone call just to say “Hey.” Maybe she’ll need a good, long hug when you get home. Maybe you need to write a letter to her once a year. Whatever it is, do it! Pay attention to what speaks to her heart. For that matter, just pay attention!

            Be kind – Be sweet to everyone, even your brother. Kindness goes a long way. Hold the door, let someone go ahead of you in the check-out line, be the first to introduce yourself. Take time to listen when someone’s upset. Ask if others need a hand. Buy lemonade from the kids at the lemonade stand down the street.

            Find the funny – There has always been a lot of laughter in our home. You guys are funny. Don’t be afraid to be silly. Keep looking for good, clean jokes and tell them often. The Bible says, “God, who sits in Heaven, laughs!” Psalm 2:4

            I was once at a baby shower where we prayed for the mom-to-be. One wise lady prayed for strength for the mom to get through her days. The woman also prayed when the new mom felt overwhelmed, she would just laugh, lay on the floor and laugh. I pray y’all will be able to do that and I pray your families will join in.

           To be continued next week! Last week I asked what's the best advice you've ever received. Now, I'd love to hear the best advice you've ever given someone else.

Bits and Pieces of Wisdom from Your Mama

With permission from my twin boys, I'm sharing this letter I recently wrote to them. Maybe you'll find something to live out or pass on in these "bits and pieces." I should certainly take my own advice! This is Part 1 of 3. 

Dear Allen and Davis,

            When you turned 18 years old, Dad and I asked some important men in your lives to write letters to you about growing up and what it means to be a man. Those letters are sweet and amazing and I hope you cherish them. But there are some things you need to hear from your Mama.  Here they are, in no particular order….

            Relationships – There's more to a relationship than just a pretty face, as they say. Y'all have both had the thrill of someone thinking you're pretty cool. I hope you have that again. But, if someone wants you to change just to please them or their parents, run. Don't look back. Don't confuse this with someone caring about you and wanting you to be stronger and smarter and better. Change just because you're not the way someone else wants you to be is stupid. There, I said it, stupid.

            Work – Find a job you love. It may seem weird to hear this from me since I've stayed home with you since you were born. But, if at all possible, do work you love. You may have to grunt out a year or two until you have money to make a good switch, experience that will look good on a resume, or freedom to make a move. Work that time out with grace. Just keep the end goal in mind, whatever you think that end might be. It will be wonderful if you can support a family on your income alone. Then, if you're blessed with a wife, she'll be able to choose whether she works or not. “Not” was my choice. My dream job was to take care of your daddy and you. I'm really, really blessed I was able to do it.

            Jesus – This guy comes first.  Do the hard work of finding a church that opens the Bible and teaches God's Word. More than that, let Jesus seep into every nook and cranny of who you are. Don't make decisions without asking Him. Don't let the day go by without talking with Him. Get a Bible app on your phone, set it up for a verse of the day, then actually read it. Let the Word inform and transform who you are and what you do. Don't be afraid to talk about God with people. Everyone needs Him and it will be your greatest privilege to lead someone to Jesus.

            While I think most of your Sunday mornings should be spent in church, there will be days you need to praise God while “walking through the vineyards.” Your dad and I learned this from a beautiful, Godly lady in Baden, Austria. We often drove through real-live vineyards in Baden. You may not have that luxury. Your “vineyards” may be a state park, a picnic spot or your backyard. Just find a place to BE. Take God there with you and praise Him.

            Don't Give Up – Suppose you don't get everything you want on the first try. Say things are hard in your job or a friendship or a marriage. Don't give up. Push through.

We drove to California from Alabama for this moment, 5 month old twin boys with their Nana, it was love at first sight on both sides

            Dream Big – Don’t settle for what’s right in front of you if you think there’s something better out there. God may tug at your heart or your sense of adventure or put an impossible thought in your head. Go for it! People thought it was crazy for Dad and me to go to Austria as missionaries. But that was our most wonderful adventure until God gave us you. It seemed mad to drive to California with five-month-old twins. But we introduced you to people who wouldn't have had the joy of meeting two such adorable, engaging boys otherwise. Do the hard, big, crazy thing!

            Know When to Give Up – Even though I just said, “don't give up,” sometimes you'll need to. You'll stumble into a situation where you thought you were supposed to go but, it won't be the place for you. Don't hang on out of stubbornness or fear or peer-pressure. Like tugging on your heart to do something wonderful, God may tug on your heart to show you a way out. It's not failure. It may just make good sense.

           To be continued next week.... Until then, what's the best advice you've ever received?